Today is a tough one

I’ve been doing a lot a reading and bunches of remembering. Not always a good combination for me this time of year. In my reading I have tried to find advice on learning to move on through my grief. Or so I thought. It seems that the more I read, the more I realize that what I want to do is actually forget my grief and not remember it. This is not possible I have discovered.

I’ve read accounts of amputees who have phantom pain in their missing limbs. It seems that is one way to describe what I feel. You see, a part of me is missing and I can still feel that part in my movements through the day and through my memories. When I make plans to go out shopping, I instinctively think about where my family members are and when they will be arriving home. Then the pain washes over me as I remember Matthew is not here.

Posted Jun 10, 2006 6:28pm

Yesterday we found out that the judge presiding over Matthew’s SSI claim for disability has made a ruling. We have not been told if it was in Matthew’s favor or not. The attorney believes it is. We should find out in a few more days, but it may take up to 2 weeks for us to be notified.

In the meantime, Kim and Pat went home last night to be with Stephanie and Zachary and to try to get some rest before this next difficult week. Today Zachary and Stephanie came to the hospital to spend some time with Matt. It was hard on all involved and many tears have been shed with the knowledge that many more will be shed as we begin the grief process.

Matthew has had his sedation medication reduced by half again today, but has not been able to wake up. His body is tired and fighting some major infections. If he is able to tolerate the reduction in the sedation again tomorrow, we will do that again. This is to help him be weaned from this med and the ventilation tube. After that, we hope to keep him comfortable with pain management medication until he and God decide it is time for him to go home.

We appreciate your prayers and love for each of us, and thank you for respecting this time we spend together as a family.

Now, let me share a few things with you. Please be kind enough to not offer me trite sayings that disguise themselves as words of comfort. Pray for me. Pray for all of us. But more importantly, if you knew Matthew – even for a day or a single moment – share your memory with me. Tell me about his laughter or his funny remark to you. Tell me about his stubborn refusal to do what you asked of him. Tell me about the blank stare he gave you during a conversation. But don’t pity me and give me words that make you more comfortable in moving on.

I hope you understand that I was blessed beyond measure to have been able to be Matthew’s mom and my heart is missing a piece while he is away from me. My comfort is found in hearing the memories that you have and knowing that he is not forgotten.

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You

What’ you thinking’bout?

ReTHINK CHURCH!

I found this video and just had to share it with you! Really would love to hear what you think about the message and what message you think is being communicated.

The three-and-a-half-minute music video features a rap music soundtrack under more than 150 fast-changing images of The United Methodist Church in mission around the world.

For the Rev. Ben Hanne, now an associate pastor at Calvary United Methodist Church in Wichita, Kan., “Rethink Church” and “the video, in particular, demonstrated the energy to turn our vision outwards, to see our brother and sister in people we wouldn’t ordinarily put in that category.”

Later this month, he will move to a rural two-point charge where the churches have faced numerous challenges in recent years. “The churches want to live,” he says, “but to live in a place like Arkansas City requires them to reach out to the community, not just be in church.”

While the music of the video did not particularly appeal to Dixie Brewster of Milton, Kan., she “liked it for the fact that the kids seemed enthusiastic about what they were doing
and showed the mission of the church.”

While “Rethink Rock” appeals to most youth and young adults, the Rethink Church staff wanted to offer older adults, who are the majority of annual conference members, a different way of looking at things. Loud applause was the answer when, after the video was shown, Kansas Area Bishop Scott Jones asked conference members if they were willing to listen to music that appeals to younger people.

Read the full article at: http://www.umc.org/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=lwL4KnN1LtH&b=5765535&ct=8426591

80-yr old Church leader murdered in sanctuary

Few places were as meaningful to Lillian Wilson as Central United Methodist Church just outside Wynne.

She was baptized and married there. She started teaching Sunday school recently to help out while the church’s longtime teacher recovered from a stroke.

And on Sunday morning, June 6, the 80-year-old retired nurse was in the church to finish assembling disaster relief buckets and health kits for collection at the denomination’s Arkansas Annual (regional) Conference meeting, which started Sunday night.

It was her last act of servanthood. She was found beaten to death in the church sanctuary that afternoon.

Investigators with the sheriff’s office in Cross County, Ark., were still searching June 8 for two suspects in Wilson’s death. Her pastor, the Rev. Dixon Platt, said authorities believe the murder weapon was the cross the church kept on its communion table.

Platt went to check on Wilson when she didn’t show up for worship Sunday at nearby Ellis Chapel United Methodist Church. The congregation of about 20 alternates worship each Sunday between Ellis Chapel and Central Church.

The pastor discovered Wilson’s body about 12:30 p.m. Sunday beneath an overturned pew. Her purse and car were missing.

Wilson died doing what she loved to do, Platt said, and that was serving God.

Oh please don’t tell me he said that! So many folks are going to be upset that this woman died, (btw – she didn’t simply die – she was MURDERED!) and the fact that she died in this way in this place is going to complicate grief for the people within the church she attended, people in our churches, and the people who don’t attend church. It is a delicate and difficult time for this church, but maybe some of us can learn from Ms. Wilson’s death as well as her life.

As pastor’s we tend to want to take the high road and say things like, “She is at rest now” or “She “died doing what she loved to do”". Those comments are not enough for our congregants who are asking the bigger question, “WHY?” I think we need to say things like, we don’t know why people do horrible things to each other, I don’t know why someone did this to Ms. Wilson, I don’t know why – I don’t have the answers. Too often pastors think they must lead people into healing or beyond this tragedy or even past this experience. To each of us, pastors and everyday folks that think the same way, I ask – WHY? Why are we in a hurry to brush aside the tragedy and want to look at only the comfortable aspects of life?

My thinking jumps to the next question, how does a response such as the one stated by Rev. Platt witness to the greater community the love of God for all people in the community? From my slightly slanted perspective I see a closed door attitude, a piousness, an attitude to the unchurched that says, “Well, AT LEAST she lived a life worthy so she will be … (fill in the blank – honored, redeemed, given vengeance … whatever the other feels is needed in their life and hoped for in their death). Possibly a better statement would be, we join the community in grieving her death and the violent manner in which she died and we are available to talk or listen to anyone who has questions. Maybe, possibly.

But I like what Bishop Crutchfield said:

Arkansas Area Bishop Charles Crutchfield asked those gathered for annual conference on June 7 to pray for Wilson and the many in her community who loved her.

“This is a tragic moment for a wonderful woman devoted to the life of the church and building God’s kingdom, a woman who had been the heart and soul of her church,” Crutchfield said in an interview.

“At moments like this, we ask ‘Why? Why?’ And there is no real answer to that question,” he said. “But I do know the question we need to ask is who do we trust in a moment of tragedy, in a moment so inexplicable. I think our answer would be her answer: Trust the Lord through high points and low points, through good times and through the valley of the shadow of death. In the wake of this tragic death, that’s who we all have to trust.” (Italics added)

That’s all we’ve got to offer anyone in a moment of grief, a season of grief. If we believe in God through the good times, if we trust God in the good times, if we have faith in God in the good times, then the way to find ourselves able to survive and live though the tough times is to continue to trust him in those times also.

Keep the faith my friends.

Not on Sunday? How about Saturday school!

What do you think? Would this idea work in your community? If not, why?

Sarah Falter knew she had to make a change when her pastor mentioned Moses, and her young son had no idea who he was.

“I was feeling really disappointed in myself because my children didn’t know all the Bible stories I was brought up with and I knew at their age,” she said.

What her children needed, Falter decided, was Sunday school. However, her tiny country church in central Missouri did not have space for a children’s class on Sunday mornings.

Her pastor, the Rev. Karen Alden, offered a solution: Move it up a day.

Now, under Falter’s leadership, Rader United Methodist Church holds “Saturday School” from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. once a month, usually in the sanctuary. The school attracts eight or nine youngsters, ranging in age from 4 to the young teens.

Saturday School is the kind of innovation more United Methodist congregations should consider, said retired Bishop Richard B. Wilke, the creator of the Disciple Bible Study program.

“The way you reach people today — children, youth and adults — is in intimate relationships studying the Scriptures,” Wilke said. “Sunday is no longer a holy day. Study life has to take place where people are.”

And that can be any place on any day of the week.
Declining biblical literacy

One thing is certain: Biblical instruction needs to be more widespread, Wilke said.

In recent years, talk show host Jay Leno has made sport of Americans who can name the four Beatles but not the four Gospels, and comic Stephen Colbert has teased members of Congress who want publicly to display the Ten Commandments but cannot name them.

Wilke started the Disciple Bible Study more than 20 years ago because he saw a thirst for more Christian education, especially among adults. The program now has more than 2 million graduates in 10,000 congregations in 30 denominations.

He said most successful groups usually consist of eight to 10 people, and like the early Christians, the groups often meet in people’s homes.

“People thought it would be a fad,” said Wilke, now the bishop-in-residence at Southwestern College in Winfield, Kan. “What people are finding is that the Bible doesn’t have a fade-out time and the small-group format doesn’t have a fade-out time.”
Multi-generational learning

Alden, pastor of Rader United Methodist Church, said Saturday School has been a hit with all ages in her congregation.

The church, with a weekly attendance of about 35, has started attracting young families in recent years. One reason Alden wanted to move religious instruction to Saturday was so she would not disturb the fellowship of older members who gather in the church an hour before worship at 9 a.m. each Sunday morning.

“I think it’s a really important part of their week to have that social time because many live alone,” Alden said.

Now many of those older members volunteer each month to provide lunch after the Bible lessons. The church does not have a kitchen so members bring meals in slow cookers from home.

Ordith Skouby, a retired teacher and one of the volunteers, said she was eager to help.

“The kids seem to enjoy it, and they’re the lifeblood of the church — the church’s future,” she said.

The church held its first Saturday class in December with lessons and activities based around Jesus’ nativity. In March, Falter taught the youngsters how to tell the story of Easter with “resurrection eggs” — plastic eggs containing symbols of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection such as toothpicks for the crown of thorns and a pebble for the rock that was rolled away from the tomb.

Since April, Falter has decided to cover the Bible from the beginning, starting with the story of creation, and moving on to Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel.

Falter said her 6-year-old son, Isaac, and her 8-year-old daughter, Faith, now tell their grandmas about the Bible lessons they have learned. Faith also has been inviting her friends to join the class.

“They haven’t been able to make it yet, but she’s gung ho that her cousin needs to come and her friend down the street needs to come because it’s a lot of fun,” Falter said. “She’s pretty pumped.”

And so is the church.

The most important part about studying Scripture is that it leads people to Christ, Wilke said.

“We study the whole Bible to find the Savior,” he said.