A-H-H-H-H!!!!!

Kim is sitting here telling me (once again) how I should do something, namely posting more ofter so it would "become intuitive". Whatever. I will try to post as the mood hits me. I'm in the mood today.

Actually, I have been feeling quite irritated about a lot of things lately. And frustrated also I think.

As of today, we still do not have Mathew’s death certificate. It has been four-and-a-half months since he passed away and the state office is still not finished fixing the stupid certificate! Then I start thinking about the idiot at the hospital that printed Matthew’s name on the certificate wrong in the first place and I start to get more than irritated, maybe a bit angry.

I have also been stuck on the Social Security benefits. Why can’t we get Matthew’s past benefits? The judge ordered the benefits paid, but because he died before the bureaucrats got around to processing his paperwork he isn’t entitled to the past benefits he was owed??? Who is at fault here? Why should our family have to deal with this? Why should I have to deal with this? Is there anybody that gives a darn about justice in this case and if there is – where are they and why can’t I find them?

These are some of the simple grief things that I get to deal with on a regular basis.

It is difficult enough to wake up everyday and know that you will spend the rest of your life without being able to look at your child or hold his hand in a simple prayer or have one more hug…. But I just don’t understand WHY these other things are also happening. And today I am more than irritated, more than frustrated – I am angry. And I am so hurt.