Love is ... part 2

I like Necco wafers. For me there is excitement in the unwrapping of the end of the package and placing that little chalky-flavored bit of candy right in the middle of my tongue. Those little bits of flavor bring back special memories of childhood for me. One of my favorite recurring memories is of my grandfather sitting in his recliner, smoking his pipe and sharing his wafers with the grandkids. The rule was that Pop-pop would open the candy roll and take the first one, then each grandchild would receive one in order of your descending age, but … if you didn’t take the color that came up when it was your turn, you had to wait until it was your turn again during the next round. Sometimes one of the kids would choose to not take the little piece of candy that was offered and would try to get the next one that came up because that was his or her “favorite”. That never worked with my grandfather! He would remind us of the “rule” and how we each took our turn, and we each had a choice to take what we were offered. Then he would go to the next grandchild. There were many times we would take the little wafer when we didn’t care for that particular flavor! As I grew up, I wondered if we took it because we didn’t want to “miss our turn” or because we didn’t want to disappoint Pop-pop.

I learned a lot of life lessons from those rolls of chalky candies. I learned that life is good - even if whatever you are dealing with isn't your favorite part. I learned that when we are given the freedom of choice we must accept the consequences of our actions. I learned that as I grew older, there were more and more people I needed to share with in order to be able to enjoy the piece of life I was offered.

And then there were all the flavors! How could I not learn that life was about all of the flavors and experiences that we encounter? Some of were hard to distinguish between, but others were so rich and colorful that you could not help but want to savor them slowly and enjoy them down to the very ... last ... moment. ahhh...

I don't think my grandfather planned on teaching me or my siblings or my cousins all these lessons from a simple roll of candy. But I think it would please him to know that he taught us how to love life, to love others, and to love the simple things that memories are made from.

Miss you Pop-pop.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." ~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a

1 Corinthians 13, Christmas Version

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure.

Merry CHRISTmas!
~ Author Unknown

God so loved the world

John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He gave... Love is an action word. Love gives without expectation of return. Love gives because love wants the best for the one that is loved. God's love is unconditional. We cannot make God love us more by doing more. We cannot make God love us less by our failures.

The Bible is one love story broken into sixty-six books. The Bible shows us that God is a God of love from Genesis through Revelation. Romans 5:8 tells us that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Unconditional love does not wait for us to be perfect. Love loves regardless. He paid that price because He loves us not because we are worthy. He makes us worthy by His sacrifice.

1 Corinthians 13 tells us of God's agape love. We can rest secure in God's love. We know that God does not keep records of our wrongs. We are thankful that God's love is patient and kind and forgiving.

During this Advent season, we would do well to remember that we are loved. We should remember that God so loved us that He was willing to send Christ to pay our sin debt and if we accept that sacrifice, we no longer owe anything for our sins. Chris paid it all.

As we celebrate the birth of Christ, we can rejoice in the fact that our heavenly Father thinks we are fantastic. We can rejoice in the fact that we bring a warm smile to His face when He thinks of us. We can rejoice in the fact that we are the beloved of the Creator. We can rejoice in the fact that we have eternal life with our Father who will never condemn us. That is something to celebrate!

~ Ronnie

This can't be said enough ...

This was written on our son's carepage five months after his 20th birthday. It is still relevant today and I wanted to share it with you.

7 Ways You Can Help Me in My Grief written 10/30/06

1. Don’t try to “Fix-It.” Try to listen to me without judgment. I don’t need you to “fix” my pain, anger or tears. Just allow me to share it with you.

2. Say it with Food, and Hugs and written notes. Now more than ever, we need to know how much you love us and are praying for us. Bring us a meal occasionally – we have days that we don’t even know what to prepare for dinner and can’t figure out how to prepare it even if we know we have it in the house! Hug us often and say “I love you,” or “I’m praying for you” with actions and words, over and over again – even if you think we know it. Write a note and tell us what you remember about our loved one or what he meant to your life. And then write us another note to mark the anniversary – by weeks, months – or other special occasions. (Letters in the mail, cards with little remembrances, are tangible prayers that we can hold in our hands as well as our hearts.)

3. Offer Specific Help. “Call me if there is anything I can do” is just too hard for me to do right now – I don’t really know what I need to do and I certainly don’t know what to tell you to do! So offer specific help. Can I shop for your groceries? Can I drive you to a doctor’s appointment? Arrange to take us out for coffee or lunch – individually, so we can talk. Run errands – the cleaners, drug store, post office, bank deposits. Arrange among our circle of friends to deliver meals. Set up a cooler outside the door – so we don’t feel obligated to meet and greet each meal delivery – and drop off dinners there.

4. Faraway Friends. You’re halfway across the country, but you desperately want to help us. You know us – we feel passionately about helping others struggle with cancer and finding new treatments and will appreciate if you participate in a walk-a-thon, or rally a group to do so in Matthew’s honor.

5. Deliver Comfort - Pamper Us. When we are at home just stop by with special little things to make us feel special. This is especially important for the kids – Zachary and Stephanie – they get overlooked in their grief as folks ask “How are your mom and doing?” Take a good book, a couple of magazines, or a gift card to the local video store. Drop by with a couple of milkshakes or a favorite coffee drink or favorite snack.

6. Just Be There. When you are hit with such a tragedy you are hurled into a world that is very unfamiliar, scary and lonely. Suddenly you do not feel like you are a “normal” person anymore but that we belong to a club no one ever wants to be a part of. And people react to you in very interesting ways. Some good some bad. Each family member is an individual dealing with our pain and stress in our own way.

7. Ask us what we need without judgment – and then ask us when you see us again, and then again. At the time you ask, we may not be able to answer you. Remember, some of us want to talk - some don't. Some need to retreat - some don't. And these needs change day-to-day. We need above all else to feel unconditionally loved, supported, respected and part of the world. “Love is such a curative property that it cannot be quantified.”

I’ve added an eighth way:
8. Help Us Remember. One of our greatest fears is that we will forget Matthew – what his voice sounded like, what he looked like, his favorite food, how he laughed, what it felt like to have him hug us. So, talk to us about him – mention his name, tell us the stories you remember, write the stories down and share them with us! Also, ask others to honor Matthew’s memory and share Matt’s story with someone else.

Now for an update...
Remember our pain and grief still lives within us. Our son is still DEAD! He isn't gone, he hasn't been lost, he isn't away - he is DEAD. We will celebrate moments in life, but never without the knowledge that a vital part of us is absent. So, it still matters 3 years and 3 months later, that we are not walking this difficult road alone. And it matters that YOU remind us we are not walking alone. And it matters that you share with us the many ways you have been touched by Matthew's life and death.


Keep in touch, it matters to us.

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a